*Gigi went to a bar where she expected to see Conor, a guy she had a date with a week prior to going to the bar but instead, she gets some advice from his friend, Alex*Alex: Look. You seem like a good girl so I'm just going to be honest with you. Conor is never going to call you.
Gigi: Oh really? How do you know?
Alex: Because I'm a guy. And it's just how we do it.
Gigi: But he said it was nice meeting me.
Alex: Ha- I don't care if he said you're his favorite female since his mommy and Joanie Cunningham. Over a week went by. Okay, Gigi? And he didn't call you.
Gigi: But maybe he did call, and I? didn't get the message. or maybe he lost my number, or is out of town, or got hit by a cab, or his grandma died?
Alex: Or maybe, he just didn't call because he has no interest in seeing you again.
Gigi: Yeah... but my friend Terri once went out with a guy who never called. And she totally wrote him off. Over a year goes by--
Alex: Right.
Gigi: --and she ran into him, and it ended up that they--
Alex: Your friend Terri's an idiot. And she's also the exception. By the way. The rare exception.
Gigi: Okay. Okay. But what if I'm the exception?
Alex: No, you're not. You're not at all. In fact, you're the rule. And the rule is this--if a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you.
Gigi: Really?
Alex: Yeah.
Gigi: Always?
Alex: Yeah, always. Look. I know what blowing off a woman looks like, okay? And trust me, I do it early and I do it often. So trust me when I say, if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, then he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions.
*silence*Gigi: Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about.
*The next day when Gigi is talking about her epiphany with her co-workers/girlfriends*Gigi: All of my friends used to tell me these stories about how things might work out with these dipshits because they knew someone who knew someone who dated a dipshit just like mine and that girl ended up married and living happily ever after. But, that's the exception, and we're not the exception. We're the rule.
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"if he's not marrying you..."Lady 1: I used to think, that I had never been dumped.
Lady 2: Yeah, and then we started comparing notes and then we realized—wait a second—we’ve both been dumped by every man we’ve ever been with.
Lady 1: Every. One.
Lady 2: Yeah!
Lady 1: They do it so skillfully.
Lady 2: Mmhm!
Lady 1: So sneaky. That you think that it was your idea.
Lady 2: Yeah yeah yeah. You know. You’re sitting back and you’re like “Oh oh oh yeah, this is my idea but then wait a second. Why am I alone?”
Lady 1: “Why am I unhappy? Why have I gained 20 pounds?”
Lady 2: Mmhm!
Lady 1: They genuinely mind trick you.
Lady 2: Yes, they do!
Lady 1: You know what I’m saying?
Lady 2: Yeah! And they got those lines that they like to tell you.
Lady 1: Yeah, like “Oh, I don’t want to stand in your way.”
Lady 2: Oh, or, “you’re perfect. It’s just I have to work on myself.”
Lady 1: Or, “I’m just thinking of YOUR happiness.”
Lady 2: “Oh, I don’t DESERVE you.” That’s my favorite.
Lady 1: You know what line that I don’t like?
Lady 2: Hm?
Lady 1: “I’m so jealous of the guy that gets to marry you.” Well, that could’ve been you.
Lady 2: Yeah!
Lady 1: That’s what I was leaning towards.
Lady 2: Yeah! And let me tell you something. The second that you hear that, you just run to the store, get yourself some rims and a tub of ice cream because YOU have been dumped.
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*Phone conversation between Alex and Gigi where Gigi is asking Alex for advice about a guy named Gerald.*Gigi: So we meet at happy hour, and he is completely charming.
Alex: Let me guess, he said, "the only thing happy about this hour is you."
Gigi: He might have used some derivative of that. Uh. Um. So he said that he's going to call. But then he gives me his card, and he says--
Alex: Oh, he's not interested.
Gigi: You don't even know if he's called.
Alex: Well, did he?
Gigi: No! But, I honestly think that--
Alex: Okay. Gig. He-is-not-interested. If a guy gives you his phone number instead of taking yours, he's not interested.
Gigi: Oh, he took mine first. But then he gave--
Alex: And also, if a guy wants to see you, believe me, he WILL see you. Heh. I, I once called fifty-five Lauren Bells until I got the right one.
Gigi: That's cute. What happened?
Alex: Oh, as it turned out, her ass looked really huge in the daylight.
Gigi: Aha is it your sensitivity that makes you so popular with women?
Alex: Don't call him. He doesn't like you.
Gigi: Well, don't tip-toe around my feelings.
Alex: Ah, well, I'm just trying to help.
Gigi: I know. Thank you.
Alex: Sure. Ah, well I gotta get back to work but good luck.
Gigi: Okay, bye!
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*Another phone conversation between Alex and Gigi where Gigi was making out with this guy and when she asked about the second date, he said he was leaving the next day and would be out of touch. SO she decides to run into the guy's bathroom and call Alex to ask him about it*Gigi: Okay, I'm making out with this guy--uh PG stuff--and he mentioned that he's going out of town so he's going to be out of touch.
Alex: Run.
Gigi: But maybe he IS going out of town.
Alex: To where, New Guinea? Where's he going that he's going to be out of touch?
*Gigi opens the door and asks him where he's going out of town when he answered a little hesitantly*Gigi: Pittsburgh.
Alex: Run.
Gigi: So what, now I'm just supposed to run from every guy who doesn't like me?
Alex: Uh, yeah.
Gigi: But there's not gonna be anybody left.
Alex: Uh, I don't know why I'm saying this but I think I know a nice guy who might actually like you.
Gigi: Yeah?
Alex: Yeah. He's friends my brother, his name is Bill. We'll all meet for drinks. And, it'll be good.
Gigi: Totally. Well, I mean, I'm in his bathroom right now. So what should I do?
Alex: Well, you've gotta get out eventually but, uh, I'd take my time in there. I'd let him sweat.
Gigi: Thanks.
Alex: Good luck.
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*Ben goes to Neil's boat where Neil has been staying since he broke up with Beth.*Neil: So, uh, Janine send you out here to check up on me?
Ben: Yeah, pretty much.
Neil: What are you gonna tell her?
Ben: Tell her how gorgeous you look out here on the ocean.
Neil: Hahaha, great. Any word from Beth?
Ben: You know, she's so busy organizing her sister's funeral and everything, I think that she must--
Neil: Her sister's what?
Ben: Her wedding. Her sister's wedding. Isn't that what I said?
Neil: No, you said funeral.
Ben: No, I didn't. *laughs*
Neil: Yes, you did.
Ben: Shit. Did I really? That's so weird!
Neil: I really don't understand why people want to get married.
Ben: *sigh* They don't.
Neil: They don't?
Ben: No. No, no guy actually wants to get married. And if they do, all they're really thinking about is all the women they're going to miss out on.
Neil: I don't want to be with anybody else. I just want to be with Beth. I don't know man. Why'd you get married?
Ben: I love Janine.
Neil: You're a happily married guy?
Ben: Yeah. Yeah, I'd say so.
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*Talking about a girl and two guys a few feet away from them at the bar when the hotter guy walks away*Alex: Now, check out droopy dog on the other side. This guy's going to be buying her drinks all night and she's going to insist that there's no "spark".
Gigi: Maybe there's not. You need a spark.
Alex: No, the "spark" thing is shit.
Gigi: Really?
Alex: Bull shit.
Gigi: Enlighten me.
Alex: Guys invented the "spark" so that they could not call, and treat you kind of bad, and keep you guessing, and they convince you that that anxiety and that fear that they're throwing at you is actually, just a "spark". And you guys all buy it. You eat it up. And you love it. You love it because you feed off that drama. You all love that drama.
Gigi: I don't.
Alex: Oh really? So you never wait until the last minute on a deadline or phone bill because secretly you kind of love the drama of not knowing whether or not you're going to make it?
Gigi: May...be?
Alex: And let me guess. When you were stalking Conor the other night, were you obsessing about him calling, constantly pacing back and forth and staring at your phone for days even though the date was just kind of mediocre?
Gigi: Ha. Okay, yeah?
Alex: Because you all thrive on the drama! But you've got to be more like me. If a girl likes me, great. But if not, there are plenty more out there like her. Probably one with smaller pores and bigger implants.
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"if she isn't sleeping with you..."
Random Guy: A girl will never sleep with you if she calls you "cuddly" or "dependable", if she pops a zit in front of you, if her name is Amber or Christine, if she takes a dump in your bathroom, or if she takes leftovers on dates one, two, or three. I know it's not scientific, but I'm just saying, you were warned.
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Alex: Thanks for staying and helping me clean up. I really gotta go to bed though.
Gigi: Is that an invitation?
Alex: What?
Gigi: Ahaha, oh girl, that was cheesy. Oh, I'm not good at this.
*Alex rubs his eyes because he's tired and then Gigi jumps him and kisses him*Gigi: I knew that the best relationships grew out of friendships.
Alex: Wait, wait wait, Gigi. Wait, wait, wait. What? Now, you and I are in a relationship?
Gigi: Well, I'd say if we're not at the relationship station-ship, we're at least on track.
Alex: And... why exactly would you think that?
Gigi: Because of the signs!
Alex: Really? Like, what?
Gigi: Like, "it was good to hear from" me, and you talked to me even when you were with a girl, and I... felt... something?
Alex: Oh, man. What are you talking about? Gigi, what have I been saying since I met you? If a guy wants to date you, he will make it happen. Okay? He will ask you out. Did I ask you out?
Gigi: No...
Alex: Then, why would you do this? Oh shit. Why do they do this? Why do they build up this stuff in their minds to each little thing a guy does and twist it into something else? It's insane!
Gigi: I'd rather be like that, than be like you.
Alex: Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?
Gigi: I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there too much but at least that means I still care. Oh, you think you've won because women are expendable to you? And you may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way, but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone, Alex. I may do a lot of stupid shit, but I know I'm a lot closer to finding someone than you are.
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I'll try to add more later. xD
In case you couldn't tell, I love the Alex-Gigi conversations ^^v
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